Itachi The True Story
by RubberDuckiesWhoLikePieAndCake
Summary: The REAL story of Naruto, with Itachi as the main charater. Also has a different plot with SLIGHTLY altered characters. HUMOR! PLOT WILL COME IN CHAPTER 2! ItaTen! DeiSaku! NaruHin! InoShika!
1. Chapter 1

**DD- Hi everyone! ANOTHER story!!!! EE and I thought of this one day, so we decided to make this into a story! SO yeah… Oh, and Hinata talks to her self, well, kinda, she has worm in her head named Willy, but no one knows that so yeah. **

**EE-Yep… and here are the characters and what they are:**

**Itachi- Main character, twins with Sasuke, and is not evil**

**Myu- Itachi and Sasuke's mom, who is, um, addicted to a lot of things that aren't so Legal**

**Naruto- Joins Akatsuki**

**Hinata- Has a voice in her head(the worm) and joins Akatsuki**

**Sasuke- Gay Crossdresser/ Itachi's twin brother**

**Temari- Same as always**

**Gaara- Panda that lives in a Sand Castle**

**Kankuro- Barbie collector**

**Sakura- Octopus in Disguise and something bad is always happening to her**

**Ino- Pig**

**Shikamaru- Only says Shikamaru because he's a pokemon**

**Choji- Fairy pokemon**

**Kiba- Alaskan Eskimo who's always drunk **

**Shino- Doesn't have eyes and is a t-shirt collector**

**Tayuya- Normal**

**Kimimaro- Normal**

**Sakon and Yukon- Make-up obsessors (normal)**

**Jiroubou- is made out of Kleenexes **

**Kidomaru- Spiderman's sidekick**

**Tsunade- Normal**

**Jiraiya- BIG Paris Hilton fan**

**Orochimaru- Homosexual Snake (F.Y.I. normal)**

**Kabuto- Homosexual Snake sidekick (F.Y.I. normal)**

**Ten Ten- Normal, But has a mom who makes her wear skirts**

**Nej- Gangsta**

**Lee- Normal**

**Iruka- Has no arms**

**Gai and other sensei's- Normal**

**Ita- Yay! A story about me!! Go me, go me, go me!**

**DD- Here's the first chapter**

**Chapter one of 'Itachi; the True Story'**

"Shut up! Shut up!" a certain purple haired girl hissed to herself.

"Wasup Hinata-Chan?" Naruto asked.

"I told you to shut up!" Hinata hissed again.

"Me?" Naruto asked.

"JUST SHUT UP!!" Hinata screamed, getting unwanted attention.

"Jeez, I was just wondering if you wanted to run away from Konoha and go to the Akatsuki with me," Naruto said, as he started to walk away.

"Oh, okay, I'll come with you," Hinata said, happily again, but her expression soon changed, "I SAID TO SHUT UP DAMMIT!!!!!!!"

"Let's just go now," Naruto said, grabbing Hinata, and carrying her bridal style, about to leave.

"Why are you guys going to the Akatsuki? How would you even know what it is?" Sakura questioned, as Hinata shrugged, and then argued with Willy.

"Because we want to, besides, Jiraiya won't stop singing Paris Hilton," Naruto said, "Plus I looked in the News Paper, and it said, "join the Akatsuki now!'. So obviously, they want me to join."

"Whatever, you know this is going to effect you somehow," Sakura said, but before she could finish, they were gone.

"Itachi! Sasuke! Get down here foos! It's your last day of Shinobi thingy or whatever it is!" Itachi and Sasuke's mom yelled for them at the bottom of the stairs.

"I'm coming mommy!" a very girlish voice yelled from the top of the stairs.

"How is he my twin? He's gay!" Itachi complained, as he walked down the stairs, and Sasuke tripped.

"By the way mommy, I'm going to go um, do something tomorrow, so don't bother me!" Sasuke, said, in his high pitched voice.

"Whatever loser. Hey Itachi, can I have a light here?" Myu asked, holding out her cigar, which wasn't probably a cigar.

"Sure whatever, just don't blame me when you die," Itachi said, rolling his eyes, and then doing his Coowio jutsu, and lighting the 'Cigar' on fire.

"Thanks hone-cough-y," Myu coughed, as her sons ran out the door.

As Itachi and Sasuke walked their way to school, they ran into the Konoha thugs, AKA Neji.

"Wasup dudes, or, um, are you a girl?" Neji asked, talking to Sasuke.

"Why do you keep calling my brother a girl?" Sasuke asked.

"Right, okay, your brother," Neji said, as Itachi cracked laughing, "Anyway, I'm so cool! I do drugs, I've been to Juvie three times, and have a tattoo."

"Of what, a pony?" Itachi asked.

"Well, now that you mention it…" Neji said.

"And do you even know what juvie is?" Itachi questioned again.

"No, but, my brothers been there!" Neji explained.

"You don't even have a brother," Itachi replied.

"Shut up!" Neji exclaimed, "Hinata's been there!"

_Flashback_

_The alarms were going off around the streets as a navy haired girl stepped out of a car, which was obviously stolen, or car-napped. As the Po Po's started to gather around her and the car, the girl started to shake, and whisper weird things that no one could understand. _

"_Willy! He did it!" Hinata shouted, as the Po Po's stopped for a second._

"_That's what they all say," One of the Po Po's said._

"_No! I'm serious! Willy told me to do it! He lives inside my head!" Hinata shouted, trying to defend herself, but the Po Po's arrested her, and she screamed the same thing over and over again: "IT WAS WILLY!"_

"_I think she needs to go somewhere else besides Juvie," One Po Po whispered to another._

"_Yeah, but it's the chiefs orders that she will stay in Juvie for a few months," The other whispered, as Hinata screamed, "LET ME GO!!"._

_End Flashback_

"You liar, Hinata didn't go to jail!" Itachi stated.

"Yeah, but she would've, if I didn't come In there with my AK47 and shoot down all them Po Po's!" Neji argued, "See, this is what really happened when Hinata was about to go to jail."

_Flashback_

"_WILLY DID IT!" Hinata screamed, as she was being pulled into the Po Po hummer they got for Christmas from Jessica Simpson (read "An Unforgotten Tale" to get this. ITS BY US!!!! ). _

_All of a sudden, a wannabe gangsta guy jumped out of nowhere, an started shooting down all the Po Po's._

_End Flashback_

"I don't think so, besides, your not gangsta," Itachi said, "Your white."

"No I Ain't! I'm Black!" Neji snapped.

"Whatever you say Neji," Itachi said, rolling his eyes.

"Told you so!" Neji snapped at him, making a 'Z' formation, but it ended looking like a line.

"Whatever, we got to get to our class, so we can graduate from the academy, become genins, and get on our teams," Itachi said, as he started to run into the building, dragging Sasuke with him.

**In the Class Room**

As Sasuke and Itachi walked into the class room, all the girls ran after Itachi, trying to sit next to him, but none of the fan girls got to sit with him, because he sat next to a girl sitting by the window. She had a Chinese pink shirt with a green skirt, black fingerless gloves, and two chocolate colored buns on her head. Itachi thoughts she looked a little… pretty. He then shook those thoughts out of his head, looking around to see if his two best friends around.

He didn't see either of them.

He then sighted, and then looked around him at the angry fan girls glaring at the girl next to him and Sasuke, who was sitting on the other side of him. At the moment Sasuke was drawing some… odd things… such as new spring dresses, and ballerina suits. Itachi rolled his eyes, and stared back at the girl next to him. He had never noticed her before, then feeling guilty… almost. Hey, he's got to keep the Uchiha personality.

"Hello class! Guess what, you all graduated because Tsunade was drunk when she was deciding who would graduate and who wouldn't, so she made you all graduate! Oh, and I lost my arms in an, um, accident!" Iruka, the teacher said happily, walking into the room with no arms.

"And now, since they took my driver license away, I got a fake one from Jirairya, considering he has his own company now, called the Paris Hilton False drivers license company!" Iruka shouted at all of his students, as some of the students got out a pen and a piece of paper.

"So where did you get your fake drivers license?" one student asked, their pen in hand.

"The Paris Hilton False Drivers License Company, or the T.P.H.F.D.L.C., and it's on 123 Paris Hilton Avenue in Konoha," Iruka explained, as the kids wrote down the address.

"There's an address called 123 Paris Hilton Avenue in Konoha?" Ino asked.

"Well, duh! Jirairya got a fund, and saved up all his money to buy the street and call it that! Gosh!" Iruka yelled, as some of the students started at him weirdly.

"Oh! AND he gave me a new car! An 81 Honda!" Iruka squealed in excitement, as a few students rolled their eyes.

"You shouldn't be driving you know," Itachi said boredly about the whole arm thing.

"You should shut up! Your one to talk," Iruka shouted back at Itachi.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I have both arms," Itachi said back, rolling his eyes, as he heard a laugh from the girl next to him. No, not Sasuke, the other one. The one who was very pretty and had chocolate colored hair and eyes.

She had a nice laugh.

"Yeah, well forget you guys! You can hear which team your on, and figure out who's on your team, or you can just leave, I seriously don't care." Iruka said.

"See ya!" as half the kids left. All of the main people stayed.

"Okay, Uchiha Itachi, Uchiha Sasuke, Inuzuka Kiba, and Tenten, who's last name I forgot, is team one."

"And team two is Haruno Sakura, Huuga Neji, and Rock Lee. And then team three is Nara Shikamaru, Yaminaka Ino, Fairy Jery Choji."

"Hey, um Iruka, we have four people on our team. Is that supposed to be right?" Itachi asked, being the smart one.

"Tsunade was freaking drunk, and anyway, Hinata and Naruto left for the Akatsuki, so that's it! Now, I'm going to check out my new wheels!" Iruka said, jumping out the window.

"YOU FORGOT ABOUT US, I MEAN ME!" Shino yelled, as he jumped out after him.

"OH MY GOSH! WERE ON THE THIRD FLOOR GUYS!!!" The girl next to Itachi screamed, as she ran to the window to see if Shino was alive or not.

"There alive!" The girl cheered, as she then heard wheels screeching, and looked out the window.

"Are you sure you know how to drive this thing?" Shino asked Iruka.

"Hey nee-san! Were on the same team with… Kiba?" Sasuke said, looking around for the dog boy, finally finding him underneath a desk drunk and holding a few drugs… coughcoughPOTcoughcough.

"Hey Itachi, ask the girl who Tenten is," Sasuke whispered, as Itachi rolled his eyes, and walked over to the girl to ask her.

"Hey, do you know who Tenten is?" Itachi asked, as her nice smile, turned upside down into a glare.

"I'm Tenten jerk!" The girl now known as Tenten shouted at him, punching him and running to her desk steaming.

"Duh Nee-San!" Sasuke said, stomping to his desk also.

"What the hell is wrong with you Sasuke? No, what the fuck is wrong with you? Did you take your medicine?" Itachi asked.

"Heck no! And don't use bad words!" Sasuke said, twirling back to his desk.

"Whatever, oh, and everyone, we have to meet our Sensei tomorrow at the training grounds. Be there," Itachi said, grabbing the now dancing Sasuke, and leaving the room.

**END OF CHAPTER**

**EE- YAY for ItaTen!!!!!**

**DD- do we even like that couple?**

**EE- We do now, so shut up!**

**DD- ok! HURRAH FOR IRUKA'S 81 HONDA!!!! WOO!!**

**Gaara- that's a really crappy car you know right?**

**DD and EE- SHUT UP! Anyway, review please!**

**Ten- yeah, PRESS THE PRETTY PURPLE BUTTON!!! OR IF IT'S BLUE ON YOUR COMPUTER! WHATEVER! I HAVE THE CAPS LOCK ON! WOO!**

**EVERYONE- BYE BYE!**


	2. Chapter 2

**DD- Here we are for Itachi; The True Story, chapter 2!!!**

**EE- Thank you all for the reviews,** **xTxNxLx, PaulRap Raptor, and anonymous reviewer, Freddy!!**

**DD- Ditto, coowio!!!**

**EE- Right, and please review everyone else!!!**

_Chapter 2…_

Itachi and Sasuke walked to the training grounds AKA the barn, or as Neji would call it, The Ghetto. As he walked in, he saw Tenten looking down at the straw and shit on the ground, and Kiba lying down on some of the shit, drunk, and cigarettes in hand.

"Why the Fuck are we in a barn?" Itachi questioned, as Tenten looked up from the ground, noticing he was there.

"In a burning barn? I don't really know. The other question is, why am I feeling a stinging sensation on my back? AH SHIT!!" Tenten screamed, realizing there was fire on her back. She then ran in circles, and fell down a near-by well.

"Want some shit dudes?" Kiba asked, while passing out.

"No thanks druggy," Itachi said, as Kakashi walked in.

"Hello everyone, I am your sensei person, Kakashi. And your first mission is…," Kakashi looked around the barn, "to get Tenten out of the well."

"Okay," Itachi said, as he threw a bucket on a rope down on the well, "Get in the bucket!"

"I can't get in a freaking bucket! It's too small!" Tenten complained.

"Get in the damn bucket, or else I'll send flames down there!" Itachi exclaimed back at her, as she sighed, and got in the bucket.

"Jeez your heavy! Have you been hanging out with Fairy Jery Choji?" Itachi yelled at her, making her blush in embarrassment, but she glared at him still.

"YOU JACK ASS!!!" Tenten screamed at him, as the bucket fell down.

"That's what you get for eating so much! Your getting fat! Your gaining weight, so go to Weight Watchers or 24 Hour Fitness!" Itachi screamed, "Or hell, whatever's best for you."

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU WHEN I GET UP THERE! I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR EYEBALLS OUT, PEEL THE SKIN OFF OF THEM, AND THEN FEED IT TO LEE ON A PORK SANDWHICH!!!!!" Tenten screamed at him, fire in her eyes.

"Just shut up and get in the bucket!" Itachi replied back at her.

"I hate you, though I barely know you, but I still hate you! And I think you are an asshole!" Tenten yelled at him, as he felt ping of hurt, which only lasted for about 1 millisecond.

"Just climb in already!" Itachi yelled at her again, as she finally got in it. Itachi had to admit, she looked kind of cute scrunched up in the bucket, even though she was glaring at him. As he pulled her up, Sasuke and Kiba finally decided to help, and they pulled her up… to fast, as she came up, banged heads with Itachi, and kissed, for about five seconds, before she fell back down again.

"DAMMIT!!!" Tenten screamed again.

"HA-HA-HA!!" Kiba laughed at her, as he tripped and fell down the well after her.

"Ah, my fucking hea-ooff!" Tenten yelled, as she felt another body fall on her, "GET OFF OF ME YOU DRUGGY RETARD!!!"

"Hi! Crap this! Why am I in a hole, am I on an acid trip or something?" Kiba questioned, crashing into a brick, and fainting, but Tenten didn't notice that, but she DID notice that someone did get up from the ground.

"Since when do you have long black hair Kiba? And a white dress? And a pale face, wait, your face is already pale," Tenten questioned and said, as 'Kiba' said, "Mommy."

"Kiba, I am not your fucking mommy, you must be tripping. How much cocaine have you had?" Tenten asked, as 'Kiba' came closer, and chanted Mommy over and over again, and started to hug her leg. It was then she realized that 'Kiba' was not exactly Kiba, but in fact she was the girl from the Ring!

"OMG!!! I'M TOO YOUNG TO BE A MOMMY!" Tenten screamed, as Itachi screamed back, "So that's why you're so heavy!"

"Shut up! There's this creepy looking girl down here, who looks like the girl from the Ring, and she's calling me Mommy!" Tenten exclaimed back.

"Whatever, just get in the bucket," Itachi said, rolling his eyes, as the well shook.

"STUPID DOORS!!! THEY WON'T OPEN!!!" Kiba shouted, crashing into the walls, thinking they were doors, and twisting rocks around like they were door knobs.

"Oh, forget you!" Tenten shouted, as she was FINALLY pulled out of the well, with the girl hanging on to her leg.

"OMG! YOU WERE SERIOUS!!" he said, helping her out of the bucket, and trying to knock the girl off her leg.

"Mommy!" the girl shouted, hugging Tenten, as Itachi kicked it, but it started hugging his leg, "Daddy!"

"WHAT?!?!?!?! WHY DOES ITACHI HAVE TO BE THE DADDY?!?!? EVEN KIBA WOULD BE A BETTER DADDY!!!!!!" Tenten screamed, pulling her hair.

"SOMEONE SAID MY NAME!!! OH YEAH, FIRETRUCK!!" Kiba shouted, as some red stuff came out of the well.

"Are you sure about that?" Itachi asked, smirking.

"I'm pretty sure," Tenten answered, as she heard Kiba throwing up, "OMG!!! I CAN SMOKE AND PUKE AT THE SAME TIME!!! WHOA!"

"Okay, I take that back, but still!" Tenten yelled at Itachi, as Sasuke twirled towards them.

"I'm a ballerina! OMG! A baby girl, who happens to look like she's at least 6!! Girl we need to get your nails done, and a makeover! Were going to the mall!" Sasuke, in her, I mean his girlish voice, squealed.

"Auntie!" the girl said, hugging Sasuke.

"What's your name little girl?" Sasuke asked.

"Mary-MoFo!" the girl now known as Mary-MoFo answered.

"Okay… anyway, where's Kakashi?" Tenten asked, as a TV came out of nowhere, and Kakashi was in his new Piece-O-Shit-Honda driving off the edge of Mount Everest.

"Whoa, jeez! Was Iruka driving that or something?" Itachi asked.

"I guess not," Tenten said, as an 81 Honda appeared out of nowhere.

"Hey kids, want a ride home?" Iruka asked.

"No," Everyone said in unison.

"Are you sure, we have lollipops," Michael Jackson said, appearing in the passengers seat, holding up the lollipops.

"We're VERY sure," everyone said in unison, as everyone ran away screaming, leaving Kiba in the well.

"Hey, you know, there's a little boy down there… passed out…. Who's 12… are you getting my hint?" Michael Jackson asked.

"I think I'm getting the hint," Iruka said, winking at MJ, as they jumped in the well, but unfortunately for them, they landed on Kiba's stomach, making him puke all over them, making them run out of the well.

"Oh gosh, how the heck do we get out of here?" Iruka asked.

"I don't know, oh wait! Look there's a door down here!" Iruka said, as they went though the door, climbed up the stairs, and got in their car again.

**With Tenten, Itachi, Sasuke, and Mary-MoFo**

"So…." Tenten said, as they got into her house.

"You're my Mommy and Daddy!" Mary-MoFo said to Itachi and Tenten, as she hugged them both at the same time, making them very uncomfortable, and squashed together.

"Um yeah, whatever, can you let go of us now?" Itachi asked.

"TOO CLOSE!!" Tenten screamed.

"Go hug Auntie or something," Itachi suggested, as Sasuke appeared, and picked her up.

"Let's go to the mall, and pick you out a nice outfit!" Sasuke said, cheerfully, "From Ballerina's Inc.!"

"So… what do you want to do then?" Tenten asked.

"Uh, there's no way I'm going home, my mom's probably high on something." Itachi answered.

"Okay, let's just watch TV then," she said, sitting on the couch.

"Sure."

**Two Hours Later… When they fell asleep**

"Oh my God!!!" Sasuke and Mary-MoFo burst into the room.

"Wha-" Tenten asked, waking up.

"We have to get the new Barbie Gameboy game!!!" Sasuke shouted and started throwing a fit.

"Sheesh, why did you wake us like that?" Itachi said, noticing that Tenten was hugging his right arm, while his left was around her waist.

"Oh, this is SOOOOO cute!" Sasuke cried, suddenly not throwing a fit and taking a million pictures on his pink cell phone with gemstones.

"SASUKE!!! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!" Tenten screamed, and chased after him with a hammer.

"EEEEEEEKKK!!!" he squealed.

"Do you want us to get that Gameboy, or whatever?" Itachi asked bored.

"Totally!" he said, hearts in his eyes, as a hammer came down on his head.

"Give. Me. That. Cell. Phone. NOW!!!!!!" she raged, grabbing it from Sasuke. She tried to delete it by pushing a bunch of buttons, but then she realized she hit 'send.'

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" she wailed, falling to the ground and chucking the phone back at Sasuke.

"Um, Tenten, it's not that big of a deal…" Itachi said, "At least it was only one person, right?"

"No," Sasuke said, picking up his phone, "When you hit send, it goes to everyone in the world who has a cell phone."

"Why me?" Tenten's voice was barely audible.

"Well, off you go to get that game!" Sasuke yelled happily and shoved them all out the door. With Mary-MoFo.

_End Chapter_

**DD- OMG, YAY!!!**

**EE- Please review, and stuff!**

**Gaara- I curse you all, I'm only on pie number 379!!**

**EE- Let's see, that's only 2,350 to go!!!**

**DD- Also, you only have 27 more hours.**

**Gaara- If I could get some _help _this would go faster.**

**DD- Do you think he's trying to give us a hint or something?**

**EE- Naw!**

**Neji- Anyway, review!!!!!**


	3. Chapter 3

**EE- Thank you for reviewing,** **WannaRuleDaWorld, laney, Freddy and Cherries Garcia, and Blossoms of Spring!!**

**DD- Ya, here's chapter 3!!**

**Gaara- I'm not making anyone pies!**

**EE and DD- W/e**

_Chapter 3…_

"Okay, let's go tell the Hokage that were going to go get the Barbie Gameboy Game," Itachi said, "And while were at it, let's get some more people to help us get the game."

"Why even bother? We just have to go to the store," Tenten reasoned.

"Actually, there's only a few Barbie Gameboy Games in the world," Itachi said.

"Okay then… Well, let's go get some people I guess, and go tell Tsunade Were going, but ask her where the game is. She should know," Tenten agreed, as they walked with Mary-MoFo to everyone's house.

**After they have everyone and are in Tsunade's office**

"Hello foo's!" Tsunade said to the genin, as they walked in.

"Um, hi…. Do you know where the Barbie Gameboy Game is? We have to find it for Sasuke," Itachi said, as Tsunade nodded, still drunk.

"Here you go," She said scribbling on a piece of paper, "Here's Konoha, and here's the island of the Blueberry Pancakes, where the game or whatever is."

"Um, thanks," Itachi said, looking at the map and realizing it had a circle and a line on it.

"Okay then, well bye!" Tenten said, as everyone walked out of the door.

After they left the room and office, and got outside, they jogged to the river, and stopped there.

"So, how are we, Oink, going to get across, Oink, to the island? Oink," Ino asked, oinking.

"Well, duh! We'll use a boat!" Lee said, showing his shiny smile, as everyone put sun glasses on.

"Jeez Lee, stop it! Your hurting my eyes! Besides, there is no boat!" Tenten yelled, as Lee stopped, and had anime tears falling down his face.

"You meanie!" Lee yelled, disappearing.

"Well, we finally got rid of him, he ain't no gangsta like me," Neji said, trying to talk trash, but ended up seeming like he was yellow trash.

"Shut up you yellow-white person!" Itachi said, as him and Neji got in a slapping fight.

"Choji! Choji!" Choji said.

"Shika, Shika, Maru, Maru," Shikamaru said.

"Hey, guys, I have a confession, SO SHUT UP!!!!!" Sakura screamed, as Itachi and Neji stopped there slapping fight, Choji and Shikamaru stopped their… whatever they were doing, and Ino just Oinked, "I… am… BATMAN!!!! Actually, I'm actually an Octopus.

"WHAT?!?!?!? YOU'RE NOT BATMAN?!?!?!" everyone yelled, as Sakura got a pissed off look on her face.

"WE CAN GET ACROSS THE RIVER IF I TURN INTO AN OCTOPUS!!!!" Sakura screamed, as everyone calmed down.

"Oh, okay!" Everyone replied, as Sakura turned into a giant Octopus.

"Wow… Amazing… Sakura you are so retarded," everyone said, rolling their eyes, except for the Pokemon, who just said, "Choji, Shika, Maru."

"Shut up!" Sakura snapped, as they all boarded on her back.

"Now, to go across the river!" Itachi yelled, as everyone nodded, and sat down, and Sakura began to swim.

"So, who wants to play Monopoly?" Tenten asked, "Just until we get to the island or whatever?"

"I will! Everyone yelled.

"Okay," Tenten said, as everyone got their pieces and began to play. This all started at 9:00 PM, and at about 12:04 AM, Choji, and Ino lost. At about 12:30 AM, Shikamaru, Kiba, and Mary-MoFo lost. And then Neji lost at about 12:56 AM. The game continued til 3:00 AM, when Itachi FINALLY decided to give up, but obviously, the game would have kept going (DD-This really happened to me, and my friends brother and his friend finally stopped playing at 3:00 AM, because we kept complaining.)

"Gosh, how big is this damn river?" Tenten asked, bored.

"I don't know, but it's as big as you," Neji said, trying to please her, but said the wrong thing, and got punched, hard, by Tenten, and was thrown in the water, suffocating. But luckily for him, a Manatee appeared, and the Manatee let him ride on him.

"See me ridin' dirty, gonna see me ridin' dirty!" Neji sang, as he came from above the water. Tenten then cursed, and threw rocks at him, hoping he would fall off the manatee.

"Mommy, Daddy, that guy scares me," Mary Mo-Fo said.

"He scares everyone dear," Itachi said to her, as Tenten threw the Monopoly game at him, and it hit him, but he didn't fall off.

"Damn!" Tenten yelled.

"CRAP!! I paid a lot of money for that!!!" Itachi screamed, no one really caring, as Tenten repeatedly kept throwing things at Neji. What she didn't realize, was that she threw the food, supplies, fresh water, and clothes at Neji, until she threw it all at him.

"Crap…" Tenten said, as she smiled nervously, and turned to Itachi.

"I have some bad news…" Tenten started.

"What is it?" Itachi asked.

"Well, I um, might have, um, thrown all of our supplies and stuff, um, overboard," Tenten said nervously, as Itachi got up, and glared at her.

"WHAT?!?!?!?!?!!? THAT HAD THE MAP IN IT!!!" Itachi screamed at her.

"THAT MAP WASN'T EVEN A MAP!!! IT WAS A CIRCLE!" Tenten screamed back at him.

"Go get the map, now!!!" Itachi exclaimed at her, as she sighed.

"I'm not going in there, there could be evil manatees!!!" Tenten yelled at him.

"GO GET IT!!!" Itachi yelled, as they fell down on each other, Tenten on top, Itachi on bottom. They looked around, and realized everyone was down too.

"What's wrong? Did do you find drugs?" Kiba asked.

"No, we hit Plymoth Rock," Sakura replied back at them.

"Are you serious?? See Tenten, if you would have looked at the map, which had a circle on it, we wouldn't be here right now!" Itachi said.

"You want a map? Here!" Tenten said, grabbing a piece of paper, and drawing a circle and line on it.

"Happy?!?" Tenten asked, pissed off.

"Sure!" Itachi said happily, as an arrow went through the map. It was a burning arrow too.

"AHHH!!!!" Itachi yelled in fear and in anger. Tenten just rolled her eyes, as another arrow hit her in the shoulder. Luckily, she had shoulder pads that were bullet proof, and fire proof. Oh! And arrow proof.

"Well, we're on an island, but which one?" Tenten asked.

"It's got a lot of sand on it. Are you sure it's not a desert?" Sakura asked, as a few arrows hit her.

""Look," Itachi said, "There's a castle or something!"

"Well, fine, lets just get away from these arrow wielding Indians." Tenten said, as they walked up to the castle. Which was actually a sand castle.

"Whoa, am I high?" Kiba asked.

"You're always high!" Sakura replied back at him, bonking him on his head (she's human again).

"Really?" Kiba asked again.

"Really," Sakura said back, as another arrow hit her head, "OUCH! Good thing I'm Immortal!"

"Really, Really?" Kiba asked again.

"Kiba, no one has time for you right now, so shut up," Sakura sighed, as they went inside.

"Hmmm, something smells, good." Ino Oinked.

"It smells like muffins!" Tenten said happily.

Suddenly, they saw a panda bear, eating muffins. Sakura screamed and Ino Oinked/screamed.

"Who are you?" they stuttered.

"I'm Gaara." He said simply. **(EE- Hahahaha, I'm not making Gaara OOC! CHA!!) **

"Is this your castle?" Itachi asked.

"Aa, does anyone want a muffin?" he asked.

"Sure, because _someone _threw away our supplies!" Itachi said, glaring at Tenten.

She glared back.

"I have pies too." Gaara said, leading them into his kitchen.

"Um, thank you."

So, after they all stocked up on muffins, pies, and chocolate cake, they decided to stay the night. And look for the game tommorow.


	4. Chapter 4

**DD- HI EVERYONE!!!!**

**EE- Were back!!!!**

**Gaara and Neji- Shit**

**DD- what did you say? holds up machine gun**

**Gaara and Neji- I said…. Sit down on a chair**

**DD and EE- Good! anyway, thank you reviewers, you all get a bag of cookies and a cup cake! thank you ****karu-chi**** and ****PaulRap Raptor**** for reviewing! **

**Gaara- let's just get on with this stupid story…**

**Chapter 4**

"Are you sure you don't want to come with us and get the game for Sasuke?" Tenten asked.

"I'm sure, I have everything I've ever wanted here, cupcakes, cookies, sand," Gaara listed.

"How bout friends, people who care about you, and not to mention eyebrows?" Tenten asked.

"Shut up bitch," Gaara glared.

"Thanks for the ship!" Tenten said, not hearing Gaara.

"Your welcome bitch!" Gaara yelled back, but Tenten was still deaf, and couldn't hear him.

**On the ship**

"He was so nice!" Tenten said happily, as everyone sweat-dropped.

"You know he called you a bitch right?" Itachi asked, as her happy mood went away, and her eyes turned to fire.

"WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!!" Tenten screamed, as she punched the ship, making a huge whole in it, and then it began to sink.

"SHIT!!!! TENTEN!!!!!" Itachi screamed, as they all fell into the water.

"I'M DROWNING!!! SAKURA, HOW COME YOU CAN'T TURN INTO AN OCTOPUS??????" Kiba screamed and questioned.

"I can only turn into an octopus on the new moon!" Sakura yelled back, gasping for air.

"It's wasn't the new moon!" Kiba yelled back.

"Shut up!" Sakura yelled back.

"WERE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!" Kiba screamed.

"You know it's like 4 feet right?" Itachi asked, standing up straight, but they couldn't hear him, considering they fell into the water drowning.

All of a sudden, 'Walk it out' started playing under the water, and everyone woke up to see two mermaids with sideways hats on and bling. One of them had barbies though. The one of the right had blond hair put into 4 different ponytails, and was a girl, with a really long black shirt on, with the 'money' sign on a golden necklace. The one of the left was wearing a hood and purple face make-up. It sort of resembled a guy, but was most likely a girl.

"What's up in the Ghetto?" The girl asked, "I Temari, you know, T, to the E, to the M-A-R-I."

"Okay then, nice to meet you, were Kiba, Neji, Sakura, Mary-MoFo Tenten, Shikamaru, Choji, and Ino," Sakura said, thought no one understood her and only bubbles came out.

"Yeah, we can't understand you foos. I'm Kankuro by the way, you know, C to the A, to the N-C-U-"Kankuro stopped, getting shot by Temari, who pulled a gold pleated hand gun.

"Don't steal my punch line Foo!" Temari shouted, as she shot him again, "Dammit! Why are we immortal?????"

"Because we are! OW!" Kankuro said, as he was shot again.

"I think You're running out of air," Temari said, talking to the 'humans'.

"Okay," Sakura said, yet no one understood her, and they swam to the top.

"Jeez, how long did it take you to figure out it was only 4 feet?" Itachi asked, rolling his eyes.

"We met these gangsta mermaids!" Neji yelled happily.

"Look, Neji, Yeah, you aren't gangsta," Itachi and Tenten said at the same time.

"Shut up, yes I am! I've been to Juvie!" Neji yelled back.

"Let's not go over this again. You have not been to Juvie, and neither has Hinata, and you don't have a brother," Itachi said, as Neji was about to retort back, when two heads bobbed out of the water.

It was the gangsta mermaids.

"Yo foos!" Temari yelled happily, as Itachi's eyes bugged out.

"How can you breathe above water? I thought only Ariel could do that!" Kiba said, as everyone stared at him like he was crazy, "What? I watch that movie all the time, FIRE TRUCK!!!!!!!!"

"Well Ariel ain't so special, we killed her actually 6 months ago. Her singing got REALLY annoying. I mean, what kind of mermaid sings, and not raps? Rapping is good for the soul, body, and mind!" Temari said, as they stared at her.

"YOU KILLED ARIEL!!! I LOVED HER!!!!!!" Kiba shouted sadly and madly, as he sniffed some more crack, or whatever the heck he was on.

"You never told us how you could breathe above water though," Tenten stated.

"Oh yeah, were half gangsta, so obviously, we can breathe above water, and rap to people," Temari said, "Where you foos headin' anywayz?"

"We headin' to the land of the blueberry pancakes yo!" Neji said, as Temari got her gun out and shot him.

"Don't act like your gangsta foo! Only people who are full or half gangsta can talk like that, plus you suck at talking like you gangsta!" Temari yelled.

"Yeah, well I've been to-"

"Shut up Neji," Itachi said.

"Yeah, well, there has to be someone who acts gangsta around here!" Neji shouted at him.

"For the last friken time, YOU AIN'T FUCKIN GANGSTA!!!!" Itachi shouted, as Neji backed down scared.

"Excuse me, we know how to get there," Kankuro said, holding up 'his' dolls.

"Where is it?" Itachi asked.

"Were going to Hollywood!" Kankuro shouted in a perky girlish high-squeaked voice.

"Um, okay. How do we get there?" Tenten asked, as Mary-MoFo hugged her.

"We take the limo of course!" Kankuro screeched, as a limo came out of nowhere, floating on top of the water.

"Whoa, what the fire truck?" Kiba asked.

"Just get in!" Temari said, getting in the drivers seat. From the outside, it had hydraulics, making the car go up and down, with the rap music blaring out of the limo.

"Check it out, the rims spin!" Temari shouted. On the inside of the car though.

"Free drinks for everyone. Don't worry; I bought it only slightly spiked. Oh, and if you feel the need to get in a hot tub, it's on the roof. Oh yeah, AND the poker table and the DDR machine are in the back. And we have out own personally DJ. Drum roll please," Temari explained, and everyone drum rolled, "YASHAMARU!!!!" 

Everyone turned to see the old man at the DJ thing.

"Yeah, he was dead before, but mermaids can bring people back to life! Plus we needed a DJ," Temari said, as they all began to dance to 'Snap yo fingers'.

Technically though, they forgot to drive to Hollywood, and were partying all night, that they forgot about Hollywood.

Next Morning

"Yo foos, I think were there!" Temari shouted, as they all got out of the car, and landed in the water.

"This is Hollywood? It doesn't look different from the ocean we were in last night," Tenten said.

"Idiot, it WAS the ocean we were in last night," Itachi said.

"Don't call me an idiot you idiot!" Tenten yelled, as they began a slapping fight.

"Oh no you didn't!" Neji shouted, as Temari shot him again.

"Just get back in the car foos! We'll be there in a few hours," Temari said, as they were about to drive off, when all of sudden, out of the hell of the blue, some other gangsta mermaids came out of nowhere, and began to sing.

"So you wanna be a player?  
But your wheels aint fly?  
Just hit us up  
To get a pimped out ride

You gotta pimp my riiiiiiiddddddddde  
(Damn Right)"

"OMG!! YOU GUYS ARE MY HEROES!!!" Neji said, with hearts in his eyes.

"Yo, I'm Xhibit! I'm here to pimp your ride!" Xhibit said, shooting Neji on accident.

"You guys were my heroes too!" Neji cried.

**End chapter**

**DD- Do you like it?**

**EE-You better review!!!!!**

**DD- Yeah, what she said, or we'll Xhibit and the other gangsta mermaids after you!**


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